Bunches of Crazy

It’s felt like forever since I last blogged. It’s been all kinds of crazy on my end with stress. It hit me I was not where I thought I’d be in my life, a coworker left to start a new path for himself (though I was very happy for him, his leaving did have an impact), my sister was going to England with someone she didn’t really know for 10 days (she’s back now and she’s perfectly fine with lots of wonderful memories to share), I started working some super crazy hours that messed up my entire sleep/wake schedule, and I couldn’t meditate properly.

Does that sound bad? It wasn’t. Sounds crazy? I know! Just hear me out.

I hadn’t really been “stressed” out since I begun my self reflection journey began at the end of March. Normally, since March, I’ve learned not to sweat the little, and big, things. Some times it’s better to just let things go if not for your own well being. This time, I had a really hard time of doing that because everything hit me at the same time. I wasn’t able to catch a break. Things were spiraling out of my control. I even got physically ill from the stress. When the nausea and lost of appetite came I reached out for help.

I spoke with my ever lovely guide, the one I spoke about that helped me on my journey in March, and she made me aware that it was a part of my new self growth. With this growth, I’ll encounter new experiences that I would have reacted to differently before I took on my journey. The only difference is that now I have better tools to use than what I had before. I just had to learn to use those tools.

The tool for me this time was acceptance. I had to accept I was stressed out because at that point I wasn’t. I’d always had problems with accepting my feelings and coming to terms that it’s okay to have normal emotions. To make an incredibly long story short, it’s the way I grew up. My emotions really didn’t matter much and I grew up thinking that to be true. Now, I’m older and I realize I have emotions and if I want to feel this or that way it’s perfectly fine. How I react to something is normal and shouldn’t be based off how someone else would react. Accepting that I was stressed out, even if I was once taught to “man up” and get over it, is normal. This goes for all my other emotions. You feel how you feel and you should never be ashamed of that. When I accepted my feelings, I felt better. I was still stressed out. I just felt spiritually better.

Self reflection is quite the journey. I can’t lie and say that this isn’t scary because it is. I’m getting closer with myself and I really like the changes, but the process can be overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, it’s made me happier in a way that I never knew I could ever achieve. I really thought depression/hate/anxiety/despair would always control my life. Now…I wonder why I let all that consume me in the first place. If it got me to where I am now, should I even care?

I dare say nay! With the biggest smile on my face (^_^).

Enough of the sourness. I do have something pretty cool to share now.

Asian Fantasy 4 WIP 9.3 (082315)

Yes! I’ve completed my stitch upwards. I’m at the top of my pattern. There’s a lot of specialty thread at the top. I actually have to remember to order some more. I’ve got enough to last me for now though. It’s the one I couldn’t get to shimmer in the pictures that I showed you before. I was able to get a better picture of it this time though.

Special Thread Glimmer

It’s Kreinik #4 and it’s gorgeous. Still a pain in my butt to use. I did use some beeswax (thank you Maia T. for the wonderful advice) with the thread and worked like a charm when threading and keeping it from unraveling.

I have some blogs to catch up on haha. For now, have a wonderful week and just have your positive and share it.



13 thoughts on “Bunches of Crazy

  1. Wow. Stress overload – I hear you. My husband will ask me, “Are the whelms after you?” (as in overwhelmed). So glad you’re pursuing a serious meditation practice and that it helped you out. I meditate, but not often enough. But some is better than none… Have you read any of Peña Chödrön’s books on meditation? I love her. Very practical and wise.

    • It is better than none. I’ve become interested in Buddhist philosophies and Pema Chodron has come up from friends. I’m not religious in nature, but I enjoy the teachings of Buddhism. I’m reading many books about Buddhism because my own journey is a reflection of the spiritual teachings from Buddhism. Do you recommend a specific book from Pema?

      • Yes, I highly recommend “How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind”. Well written, concise chapters. I’m also reading “Start Where You Are” now, which is different but also good. Trying my first mini-fast today (ie, I had an early dinner yesterday at 4:30 p.m. and don’t plan to eat until we have dinner tonight around 6:30 p.m.). We’ll see how it goes. So far not too bad. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you on the books. I couldn’t remember the exact name of the first one and I usually do all my stuff from my phone so it was awkward to look that up and also type a message. Have a great weekend!

      • No worries! I’m really glad to get a suggestion; especially, with so many choices out there. You said you wanted to try doing a fast on your own, I think. How’d the mini-fast go? Have a great weekend too!

      • It went well. I ate a normal dinner and had one glass of wine with it, which I should have skipped (it gave me a headache). My husband thinks I’m nuts. I may try this every Friday for a while. We’re at the store until 9 on Thursdays and it’s easy for me to have an early dinner then (like 3:30 – 4-ish). And I’m generally at home on Friday while my husband is at work so he won’t notice since I can have dinner with him. I need to get my eating habits in control. Not that I’m really big but I’m 50 now and I just can’t eat whatever I want like I used to.
        On the books, I would start with the How to Meditate one. Very practical, clear advice. The other one (Start Where You Are) is pretty different. It’s all about tonglen and lojong. Still not entirely clear on the difference between the two, but it’s all about drawing in to yourself the things you normally seek to repel and exhaling out everything you usually cling to – good feeling, happiness, etc. I will be re-reading this one, as it is not easy. I need to repurchase the How to Meditate one because I gave my first one to my stepson. At any rate, Pema is a very wise Buddhist monk. I also like Thich Nhat Hanh and Ajahn Chah’s Food for the Heart.

  2. Hooray! I’m glad it worked for you. I keep a cake around even though I have’t used metallics in quite a while. I’d rather have it ready than have to thread a metallic without it ever again. 🙂

    • Me too! When I had to start using it again I immediately set out to find some haha. Saved me a lot of time Maia. Wonderful tip!

  3. Oh my, sounds like you had to deal with quite a handful there – I’m glad to hear you managed to accept it and pull through!

    Great job ob finishing your stitching upwards as well. That Kreinik is sooo pretty! Now for making some serious progress on the pages in between! 😀

  4. Stay strong my lovely! If nothing else there is always cross stitch and THAT is a constant 😀 There is no way I can say “don’t stress”…that’s like asking dogs not to bark ha ha! Just thread your needle (like you did) and put it the fabric (like you did) and CREATE your stress away!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s