It’s felt like forever since I last blogged. It’s been all kinds of crazy on my end with stress. It hit me I was not where I thought I’d be in my life, a coworker left to start a new path for himself (though I was very happy for him, his leaving did have an impact), my sister was going to England with someone she didn’t really know for 10 days (she’s back now and she’s perfectly fine with lots of wonderful memories to share), I started working some super crazy hours that messed up my entire sleep/wake schedule, and I couldn’t meditate properly.
Does that sound bad? It wasn’t. Sounds crazy? I know! Just hear me out.
I hadn’t really been “stressed” out since I begun my self reflection journey began at the end of March. Normally, since March, I’ve learned not to sweat the little, and big, things. Some times it’s better to just let things go if not for your own well being. This time, I had a really hard time of doing that because everything hit me at the same time. I wasn’t able to catch a break. Things were spiraling out of my control. I even got physically ill from the stress. When the nausea and lost of appetite came I reached out for help.
I spoke with my ever lovely guide, the one I spoke about that helped me on my journey in March, and she made me aware that it was a part of my new self growth. With this growth, I’ll encounter new experiences that I would have reacted to differently before I took on my journey. The only difference is that now I have better tools to use than what I had before. I just had to learn to use those tools.
The tool for me this time was acceptance. I had to accept I was stressed out because at that point I wasn’t. I’d always had problems with accepting my feelings and coming to terms that it’s okay to have normal emotions. To make an incredibly long story short, it’s the way I grew up. My emotions really didn’t matter much and I grew up thinking that to be true. Now, I’m older and I realize I have emotions and if I want to feel this or that way it’s perfectly fine. How I react to something is normal and shouldn’t be based off how someone else would react. Accepting that I was stressed out, even if I was once taught to “man up” and get over it, is normal. This goes for all my other emotions. You feel how you feel and you should never be ashamed of that. When I accepted my feelings, I felt better. I was still stressed out. I just felt spiritually better.
Self reflection is quite the journey. I can’t lie and say that this isn’t scary because it is. I’m getting closer with myself and I really like the changes, but the process can be overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, it’s made me happier in a way that I never knew I could ever achieve. I really thought depression/hate/anxiety/despair would always control my life. Now…I wonder why I let all that consume me in the first place. If it got me to where I am now, should I even care?
I dare say nay! With the biggest smile on my face (^_^).
Enough of the sourness. I do have something pretty cool to share now.
Yes! I’ve completed my stitch upwards. I’m at the top of my pattern. There’s a lot of specialty thread at the top. I actually have to remember to order some more. I’ve got enough to last me for now though. It’s the one I couldn’t get to shimmer in the pictures that I showed you before. I was able to get a better picture of it this time though.
It’s Kreinik #4 and it’s gorgeous. Still a pain in my butt to use. I did use some beeswax (thank you Maia T. for the wonderful advice) with the thread and worked like a charm when threading and keeping it from unraveling.
I have some blogs to catch up on haha. For now, have a wonderful week and just have your positive and share it.